So....There is this Guy, Right?

Lol.

It's always so funny to me when girls start with that. It's like, the ultimate trigger for your mind to secretly think "Oh, Lord. She is one of THEM. She is about to present a situation with an obvious solution here, and it's all because of a guy. Shit."

Well, sorry in advance. Because I know this is one of those situations. And what's worse? I know the solution, too! But, unfortunately, I am just a lil too demure for my own good in matters of lust and love. And I mean, considering this is ME we are talking about? I gotta be demure in SOME area, right???

See, this guy....he is one in a million. It's like having a boyfriend! Well, minus the sex, dates, presents, and all that other crap. He calls everyday just to see what you're doing. He is concerned about how you feel, what you are up to, etc. He knows when something is off, and says "I know you're lying. You are NOT ok. I know you too well." He says "I love that I can say whatever I want to you, and you just shoot something back at me."

Problem is, all the things he does NOT say. He doesn't tell you he is interested in words. His actions say a lot, but they aren't what you need and want to HEAR. They are just nagging proof that what you want is out of your reach. That it's not enough for him, and he feels no nagging urge to claim you right then and there, for fear that eventually someone else will be on the other line the next time he calls.

He slowly became one of the closest friends you have, and you confide in him...but it's not enough of an attraction and longing to make you do what it takes to excuse the fact that he has NO huevos, and won't let you know what's up.

So....there is this guy, right? And I can't even like him, because "Assertive" is one of my top five "non-negotiables" in a boyfriend type.

Oh wait....he's calling! Ttyl! [kidding. kinda.] lol.

Love you all!

,,,,Wait Til I'm in Sports Illustrated!!!

So. I have been working my butt off. Literally, almost. I'm really tryna keep the butt and just make it sit a lil higher and make it a lil firmer, because I worked hard to actually have cakes, so I don't really want to LOSE them, you know? But it's like, I don't wanna not work out my butt, because it's gotta get some exercise too....but, this is not all about my butt!

Basically, it's about how GREAT I feel! I have been hitting the gym, eating out RARELY [and when I do, I try to make health conscious decisions. I haven't been to McDonalds or Jack in the Box in two months!] and cooking at home pretty much every single night. Whole wheat pasta, skinless chicken breast, turkey, whole grains...the works!

It is SO nice to walk into work and hear people who have only known me a couple months telling me how great I am looking. It's even nicer to walk into a gym and shock all the skinny people when I pedal to the metal on the bike and run like the wind on the eliptical!! I feel AMAZING. And I feel healthier.

I couldn't feel my legs all weekend after going on a "walk" with Andrea last thursday. "Walk" in her language means running every other block and climbing hils comparable to the streets of San Francisco. And you know what? It was tough, but I DID it! I made it to every landmark she set for me, and I climbed the heck outta those hills! Red-faced, barely breathing, and wheezing like the fat asthma kid that I am!! Try climbing in and out of a Chevy tahoe all weekend after a workout like that, and see how you feel. I finally got the full use of my legs back on SUNDAY! And Monday? BACK ON THE HILLS AGAIN!!

Why, you may ask? Well....like I said. I have goals to achieve. Personally, I see myself losing that 30 lbs before the end of October. Moving forward from there, I plan to have lost 130 lbs altogether by this time next year. I am already down 29 lbs. So I basically have 100 to go, and then? I'll be on the cover of Sports Illustrated on the beach in the bikini with the wet and sexy curls and my arms [NOT JIGGLING] all propped behind my head like I just wake up looking all Victoria's Secret-like. That's the vision. Lol.

Funny thing is, when you start working out...people act crazy. Dudes you haven't spoken to just swarm out of the woodwork. Can't keep up with your texts anymore at work, and you are constantly trying to decide who you will and won't answer the phone for. You gotta make pros and cons lists to decide who to spend your nights or weekends with. People from the old neighborhood hit you up asking when you're coming home to visit. It's shenanigans, I tell you!!

I was at work today, and my coworker who actually THREW his number on my desk and asked me on a date to a brewery asked me how it is that I come to work every day with NO makeup and still look "so bomb." and I simply replied "HA! You're crazy! You think this is good? Wait til I'm in Sports Illustrated!" and of course, true to the way my life goes, EVERYONE in the office heard me. But no one doubted me! :)

Because I'm gonna do it. Or at least, they're gonna ask me to.

Anyways! Just felt like sharing...because I really appreciate how motivating all of you have been, and I hope that some of you are motivated by me and my efforts...because ya'll know I am not necessarily unhappy being big. But if I can do it, anyone can! Seriously! I kill myself doing those 5 miles on that bike...and hitting the eliptical and the San Francisco hills! You're talking about a girl who used to just walk around the North End of San Bernardino with a baseball bat and an ipod...and now I BIKE 5 miles!!!

I love you all. Hope you make it to the bbq, and hope you all are acheiving your goals and making your dreams come true!!
<3

7 Pounds...

....I'm not Will Smith or Rosario Dawson, nor am I the star of a somewhat recent blockbuster hit. BUT...I do, in fact, know a thing or two about recently losing 7 more pounds. Grand total? 29 pounds since February.

I would be a total and terrible liar if I said I am not ridiculously proud of myself. But I can't help but be a little perturbed by the fact that I cannot SEE the difference as I imagined a 29 pound loss. Now, I look at myself everyday. And it's no secret that I have some severely narcissistic tendencies. So I look at myself not just daily, but like, 40,000 times a day! Seriously, I walk past any reflective surface, and check myself out. So vain, I swear!

Gratefully, people I haven't seen in awhile or people who comment on my photos are constantly encouraging me and telling me the differences that they see. That is serious sustenance, because without that, I probably would have accepted hitting a plateau, stayed out of the gym, and been steady chilling eating some potato chips and a cup of noodles for dinner! I've been cooking healthy meals almost every night, ignoring the donuts, bagels and pizza that my job provides on a weekly basis. I joined a very cute new gym where I can tan and workout [I mean, work out and THEN tan!]. I do at LEAST 5 miles every time I am there. I got over my fear and loathing for exercise bikes and started putting the pedal to the metal. I go to the personal training sessions they offer, and deal with things like my trainer saying "Oh, you're pretty quick for a big one aren't ya?!?!" Sigh. Yes sir! I sure am! And you should see me on that eliptical in a room full of skinny people. I go faster and faster, and they look more and more worried. LOL! It's pure comedy. And more than anything? It inspires me to JUST. KEEP. GOING.

Such is life. You just have to KEEP GOING. No matter what happens, who is watching, how many times you fall, or how many people think you CAN'T do it. They have another thing coming...because Sondra Jo is the toughest critic she has!!! Nobody is harder on me than myself!

There are so many reasons to do this. But the most important is proving to myself that all hope isn't gone. I can't accept that just because I've always been this way, that I always have to be.

Thanks and serious love to those who have been so amazingly inspirational and constantly, unwaveringly supportive. It means truly everything to me!
<3

The Biggest Skinny Girl!

Mmmk.

I've been on this quest to lose weight for quite some years now. I've upped my activity, and lowered my calorie intake. I've walked, jogged, ran[in the dark, so folks won't see me jiggle], and taken alli, B12 shots, fat blockers, and on and on it goes.

It's time to take some real action. No quick fixes, but an OVERALL lifestyle change. My inspirational friend Sarah used to weigh 317 lbs. She easily weighs less than 150 now, and she is going to help me achieve my weight goals. Tomorrow, I go for our first weigh in, complete with before photos [a la Biggest Loser], measurements, and her dispensing tons of goodies like a journal, charts, nutritional guidelines, activity plans, etc.

For a girl like me, anything that involves office supplies is considered goodies. Hence, why it is not fair that I have to be the fat girl! Lol. I will be joining the local gym that is RIGHT DOWN THE STREET this weekend[$24 gets you membership to all three locations, and unlimited tanning and massage bed priveleges PLUS group training sessions!]. I am going to start constructing dream boards, and put motivational photos and phrases/words all over my mirror/room. I am also going to post my "Before" pictures here on this blog, and we will track my progress. By obligating myself to share my stats with the world [even if no one really reads this, lol], I am challenging myself to make it HAPPEN!

Starting today, I will post weekly with photos, measurements, journal excerpts, healthy recipes, and gym updates. The first entry to follow this one, will be about my goals, and things I want to do once I reach my goal of 30 pounds. The aim is to lose it by September...but I'll be happy to lose it before the end of the year, period. I've already lost 22 pounds this year....let's make it 52, and be in the game!!

This should be quite a journey. And hopefully, it turns out to be a fun one!!

<3

Eff YOU, Mae Lin!

First of all, I would just like to say that getting a bikini wax does not in any way entitle you to prance around in a bikini. I just got my first bikini wax...and let me tell you what....NEVER again. EVER. NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER! The woman has been telling me for months now when I ask that I won't even feel it, and I figured "I mean, it doesn't hurt when they wax my brows! It's the tweezing that makes me wanna shoot myself!" and I went for it. You know that line in Forgetting Sarah Marshall when the newlywed guy is like "NO! God put our mouths on our heads for a REASON!" ? Well, he put hair on our bikini lines for a reason too. And I, for one, plan to NEVER venture to remove it in such a way ever again. Because this trick started with "Wowww, yo leg so smoo! And you don't have lot dimple like most big girl!"

Ok, heiffa. Look here! [WAIT! NOT THERE! BECAUSE THAT'S PRIVATE PROPERTY!] Insults are not welcome in this situation. Not even when you actually mean it as a compliment in your own twisted way. Because you are WAXING my HOO-HA!! I would really much rather we discuss Glee or something random and intriguing like that as you venture into the unknown, here. Hella rude. And ya'll are probably over there dying laughing, but I am so serious when I say that I wanted to die right then. Not even because of the cellulite crack...but because, dang! I don't even have a legit reason to do mess like this! I coulda stuck to what I know, and kicked it with the homegirl Sally Hansen at home for 15 minutes, and it woulda been a wrap .But noooo. I tried to be all 21st century with it. Believe me when I tell you that I have learned my lesson. I'd rather die from eating maggot eggs[ and THAT is a whole other story]. I'm just being real.

Actually, let's tell the maggot story, shall we? I came home from work and TORTURE spa and salon tonight, and Julie said to feel free to eat some of the yummy pot roast that she made. She mentioned there were no sides, and I had some potatoes I've been meaning to use, so I figured I'd make some parmesan mashed potatoes. I was adding the potatoes to the boiling water, when I realized there was something in the garlic salt. I had NOT used the garlic salt....but I was planning to after draining the potatoes, because it was already out from Julie using it for the pot roast when she put it in the crock pot last night. I kept seeing something black in the little clear part of the jar, and I figured it was like, the reflection of the spatula I was stirring with....til I looked closer, stopped moving my arm, and realized it was a FLY. An effing FLY was in the garlic salt. Those familiar with most household spice jars know that it is "protected" by a little plastic cover with some holes in it. Holes, in this case, that were NOT large enough for a fly to get into. WTH?!?!?! I processed this, and then ran to the other room to show Alex, who laughed, before being disgusted and mentioning that hopefully we wouldn't "eat maggot eggs and die." AWWW MAN!!! In case anyone is wondering, the pot roast was delicious. AS were the potatoes. If I die, tell em to check the meat.[That's what she said!] :)

Otherwise? My new job? AMAZING. I got my desk all set up today, and I start working solo tomorrow, as we are officially gonna begin taking appointments for the new Handyman service. We are still in the process of hiring an actual Handyman crew, rather than using the termite guys to do the work, like we are presently. In the meantime, I am working both Termite and Handyman, and Wednesdays are free lunch day, so I'm hella excited. I'm praying it's Panera Day!! WOOOOO!

Friday, I start my new healthy lifestyle. Sarah is going to help me make my weight loss goals a reality, and the plan is to lose 30 lbs before September. I have 22 down, and that'll make 52 lbs before the year is even OVER! Amazing!I am joining the gym[even tho I HATE working out alone], eating more organic food, cutting the majority of processed foods[ except wednesdays, shooooot!], and I'm posting photos, quotes and dream boards all around my room! The downside is, I have to take "Biggest Loser" style piks, in red cheer shorts and a black sports bra. But you better believe I'll be posting them come September. I'd like to take this moment to thank those that have supported and praised me so far, and I hope you'll continue to do so. Jesenia...I am SO happy we are starting together! We will toast with cellulite cream! Lol.


Also, one of the highlights of the month? Attending the wedding of Mrs. Thigpenn! Ya'll made me want to fall in love! I am so happy for you, and I'll continue to pray that nothing but joy and love bless your family and home.

I'll be throwing a housewarming bbq soon. I was going to do July, but it's a really busy month, so it looks like it's gonna be the first weekend of August. I hope ya'll will keep that in mind. The FB invite will be out shortly. I hope you all make it, so you can be a part of the new joy I have in life! I'll be making tons of food, and sangria! :)

Love you all!
<3

VERY single.

It has recently come to my attention that I am 22 years old, and VERY single.

I say VERY single, because I was recently out with some friends, and everyone was talking about their relationships, and then we rekindled the hilarious moments from their past relationships, and then everyone started talking about me and my LACK of relationships. One person gets defensive for me and says "JoJo has ambitions! She is the ideal single girl, like we read books about!" and the other one says "Sondra is VERY single. I think she prefers it that way!"

Now, I laughed this off. Because generally speaking, it has its share of validity. At the same token though, for a split second, I kinda felt dysfunctional.

Why am I single? Why do I never end up in an actual, bonafide relationship? Why am I happier committing my attention to the attention I get from a person, rather than committing myself to making that person be mine? What is my deal? I guess I didn't realize that I am the only one who has no kind of significant other to speak of. I always have a story about a guy, but nobody is surprised when I say that I have some overly detailed reason for why it would just never work out, in the long run.

My diagnosis seems so simple, because it is my life. Pretty much, I feel like I have sooo many things I want to accomplish. I have so many new ideas and opportunities that have been presented to me, and I am working hard to see them through to a successful end. I want the good job, and the cute apartment, and the new car. I guess I just thought the boyfriend part could wait. People have come and gone that changed my mind, and made me want to make that exception...but they were always just a bit too good to be true. I guess I haven't been in an actual, LEGITIMATE relationship (high school doesn't count, right?) since...ever. Such is life. I hold no grudges.

But you gotta see where I am coming from here. I am a babysitter for my father. This guy, who was meant to be the strongest male role model in my life, needs ME to pick HIM up from the police at 1am. Not the other way around. I make friends with guys so easily, because I totally relate to their perspectives on relationships. The one guy I almost actually fell IN love with? He kept me waiting because he knew I would always be there, always taking care of him. Taking care of people is what I DO. It's what I was created for....one of the largest purposes I feel God attached to my life. I look out for all of the people I love, and I feel so strongly for them.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a nurturing person. Has it set me back at times? Yes. Have people taken advantage of me, and taken me for granted? Unfortunately. Call me crazy, but that doesn't stop me from caring. Problem is, where are the guys like me? Where are the guys who want to build something WITH me? The ones who are working so hard on themselves, that they understand why I'm in no hurry. That understand me when I say I just want to be able to have my life, and celebrate my successes at the same time that I celebrate theirs? I don't want to pay a guy's bills, or be his 2nd mother, and keep him shielded from the hard work that is LIFE. And at the same time, I never really did find myself into guys who want to do everything for me. I'm a strong person. That much I know. I don't need anyone, much less a guy barely older or any wiser than myself, to take the Daddy role and try to manage my life.


[Worst of all? A lot of guys come around these days (and I KNOW ya'll know at least one of them!) and they have these silly ideas that it's ok for them to do absolutely NOTHING while some independent female spends her time and hard-earned money to keep him comfortable. Don't get me wrong; it's 2010 and people are losing jobs left and right, and having a hard time finding new ones. So I'm all for helping your man out when he hits a hard spot. Loyalty is everything. And if you know he'd do the same for you? By all means. But these lazy ones? The ones who swear they're gang members, or future rappers, and somehow think they're too good to work at a warehouse or a McDonalds (money is money,honey!)? Who don't have their diploma, GED, or knowledge of what a college is? Who ask you to let them "hold" some money til they "get right?" Naw. I'm sorry. You got enough to handle working on yourself. Yeah, you love him, and you believe in him. So, therefore, you believe him when he says he is going to FINALLY make that resume and hand it out tomorrow....everyday. But me? I've had my fair share of broken promises and disappointments. That cycle never really did work for me...but I was trying so hard to bend the rules to get the guy. Little did I know...once I started worrying about me more than him? I LAUGH when I hear about people paying his way everyday. I no longer want to cry when I hear he still isn't even TRYING, because I know only he can fix it. Where is the AMBITION ladies? All these fools sing along when Drake is talking about "successful," but they aren't living it! I don't understand!?!! Lol. And if another broke negro gets hyped when "I Get Money" comes on, so help me....I'm going to pull out my debit card and slice his throat with it.]

So yes. I am VERY single. Because I am VERY convinced that once my life has come together the way I expect it to...the way I am working SO hard to achieve...that guy will come along, and we can have that spirit in common. We can celebrate the fact that we made it, and console each other from then on whenever we may miss the mark. That's love. That is the love I have with all of my friends and family, and I don't think it's wrong to want the same things from the person I could potentially share my life with.

I'm not the ideal bachleorette, who plays men flirtatiously and would rather be alone. I simply figure being alone now is a small sacrifice to make, knowing that when I have made it to the top...someone will be waiting there, nodding his head in agreement. I'm happy my friends are fortunate enough to have found the guys they were looking for so soon before me, don't get me wrong. This is simply MY preference. I figure if I really, truly wanted a relationship now...I could have it. But I'd rather have my good job, and cute apartment. Then? He can come over, and I can make dinner, and kick him out if I don't like him! :)

But, alas, I am 22. And VERY single. And every day that goes by with a new goal made or reached, I find myself being VERY happy, regardless.

Love you all!
<3

Sondra Meets mark.

.....and they live happily ever after!

Lol. No, but really tho? I began selling mark. cosmetics recently [stay tuned for the seperate blog I plan to start for my endeavor. You know I'm the P. Diddy of the Recessionistas.] and I LOVE the product. It was such an easy start-up, and it's a perfect fit for me. Because it focuses on cosmetics, skincare, and apparel/accessories, it makes all of those magazine subscriptions and retail/makeup artist/skincare consultant jobs TOTALLY worth it. Haha! Who knew?

I am hosting my first mark. party on March 20th, and I have all kinds of fab ideas to keep the ladies laughing, and lipglossing! Cupcake bar, citrus sangria, mini facials and makeovers...it's gonna be an event to remember...and hopefully? A MONEYMAKER!

I'm starting small, showcasing samples of top products, and showing the girls how I perfected the five minute face...even if I'm using 3 eyeshadows, a blush, mascara, lipstick, and the occasional tinted moisturizer. It should really be informative, and help them see that being fab and flirty this spring is just a few tips and tricks away from their fingertips!

I'll keep you posted on the outcome...I know these girls better show up. If they don't, they'll miss out on some ridiculously amazing swag bags and raffle prizes!

I created a new concept with the newest limited edition spring shades, inspired by the new Citrus Bloom fragrance. I call it "Spring Fling"...peep the piks!

How did I do it, you may ask?

iMark eyeshadows [$5 each!]: stellar[yellow-gold, line inner corners and lashlines about 1/3 in], Lotus[lavender, line remaining lids and wing slightly out on outer corners], LuvStruck [pink, in crease, blended slightly into browbone.]
Make It Big Mascara[$7!!] in Raven[2 coats does the trick!]
Good Glowing Custom Pick Powder Blush[$7!!!!] in Cameo Glow [smile, and apply a light dusting to just the apples of your cheeks. Its peachy with just a hint of shimmer to make you look fab..not, tacky!]
Dew Drenched Moisturlicious LipColor[$6!!] in Watermelon
Face? I just used a light coat of Get a Tint tinted moisturizer with SPF 15 in my shade, which is Almond.

Love and Lipgloss!
Sondra Jo

I have come to the conclusion that I am ready to be a bit fearless and make some things happen.

I am always so afraid to go for a lot of things, because I am afraid to fail. Throughout my life, it seems that every time I am about to reach the top...something comes around that brings my happiness, stability, and success to a screeching halt. Then? It takes me forever to get the nerve back up to try once again. Sometimes, I just wish I had more control over everything.

Then I realize something:
EVERYONE wants to have more control. Nobody wants to see everything they worked so hard for, that they want SO badly, come crashing down around them. Nobody promised that getting somewhere in life would be easy. So who am I to think I've got it like that? I need to just get back up, keep smiling, and MAKE IT HAPPEN. That, essentially, is the solution. Failure is ultimately a part of success. When I think of it that way, it makes it easier to accept rejection. From people, from job opportunities, from schools....it's all just a part of the process. By keeping your faith in the Lord, and trusting that he will make a way for you, you will keep going until it finally happens.

Because it will happen.

So, on that note...I went to an interview for a job I wasn't sure I wanted. I started my own makeup business. I dropped out of school for the semester because I know I won't get better than C's if I stay[you kinda need books for online classes, and I had NO book money. Lol]. I started working out harder, and eating better, and taking bigger steps toward reaching my weight loss goals. I even put myself on a list to be considered for an actual weight loss procedure clinical trial. I texted a guy who was interested in me FIRST. I started paying better compliments to guys, instead of just staring back at them when I catch them looking at me. I decided that sometimes? You have to let "friends" go, even if it makes you look weak or bitter. I booked a flight to DC to see my cousin, so that I could escape my Cali comfort zone, and make better connections with my family. I picked my dad up from the police, so he would know that even though he hurts me, I'll never leave him.

I'm not saying there have been any drastic improvements since all this. But guess what? My heart? It's so full of joy. I don't find myself hanging around people that I don't trust. I don't cry when I think about how much they hurt me, just by pretending they care about me more than their actions tell me they do. I don't back down. I want things done the right way, and if that means sometimes I cannot just sit back and deal with it in silence...SO BE IT.

It's about time I felt this way. I am content with the fact that no matter what, I am able to survive. I am looking for better jobs, so I can make better money, and have a better living situation. I am so focused on stability and independence....but sometimes, I am just so scared that I will fail.

But now, I don't mind so much. I never said I wanted EVERYTHING in the world. I just want EVERYTHING to be pleasant. Even if the exact circumstances are in God's hands rather than mine, I appreciate the fact that I have a say-so in some areas. I can't control who hires me, who loves me, who makes my heart beat so wildly that I think I'll lose it.

But I can control the way that I adapt to, adjust, and accept these things. And that is exactly what I plan to do!

Have a fun, blessed, and adventurous weekend people.
Maybe I'll see you in Vegas! I'm on my way in a few hours, wearing the "Luck is On My Side" necklace that my sister bought me for Christmas! Keno anyone? Lol.

<3