30 Days Post Op.....

Ahhh.

So, as of yesterday, I was 30 days post-op. Thirty days ago, a hot surgeon opened me up, and CHANGED MY LIFE.

At this point, I am 27 lbs lighter since June 20th, 2011. I last weighed in on 7/13. I plan to weigh again tomorrow and see where we are at! It is so crazy...I eat an egg, and feel full beyond belief. I drink a protein shake, and it takes me about two hours to finish it! I am beyond grateful for all of the supportive people who have stuck by me this whole time, and cannot even begin to imagine what I would do without the encouragement and support. It's truly amazing how many people will think to check on you when you take on something like this. You learn who really cares about you, and who really celebrates your achievements WITH you.

I have a best friend that MAKES MY DAY. She drove me to and from surgery, and had a mini meltdown when the nurses rolled me to my room after surgery (as you can very well imagine, I was a HOT mess, apparently groaning about my shoulder pain!), and honestly, that's just the beginning of the list. We have a fabulous new condo together, and now that she no longer lives in Bakersfield, things are FINALLY back to normal. We just celebrated the past weekend with a day at the Del Mar Throughbred Club Horse Races (thanks, Corky!), and then spent Sunday with her boyfriends wonderful family at Glen Ivy Spa in Corona. Nothing like being painted in green goop with your bestie to get the bonding going! Lol. It's so nice to have her here again. I feel better when I go home, and I look forward to everything we do, because we always MAKE it fun....regardless! Give us some gossip mags and beach towels, and we will make it happen! :) You can see just a glimpse of how we get down, complete with our oh so glam "My Fair Lady" style hats at the races this past weekend below(I snuck one of Lidia in there too! That girl is quite the anchor in the 5 years I have known her!):

As far as StupidHead is concerned....

Ahh....sometimes I just wish I could write him a REALLY long letter, and be able to vocalize everything that I think to tell him throughout the day. It's kind of annoying, really. I realized that he is one of the males in my life who can actually GET UNDER my skin, and I freaked out a bit. It's not really my style to stress over a dude. It's not my style to give a rip about whether or not they are upset with me, or I hurt their feelings. The lines of this friendship have just become so beyond blurred. And I am just as guilty as he is. I could say no....I could ignore the calls....but I never do. I decided last night that I was going to address the fact that we've overstepped the appropriate friendship boundaries after a small tiff last night, and then BOOM! He goes and starts on about all the things he likes about me. It was straight out of a chick flick...."I like that thing you do with your nose, that face you make when I annoy you? And I love it when you're angry, and then you just vent and go right back to being all sunshine and rainbows. I hear songs when I'm in the car, and just picture you smiling and singing along...."

WTF? The worst part? I remember pretty much every word he said. Which only means that we are really screwed here. So I need to start lining 'em back up again! I need to find someone that I really want to invest my time in. Maybe someone I'd actually consider fighting for. Someone I would go out of my way to express my feelings for, in the hopes that I could keep them.

OR! Maybe I can just act a straight fool for a little while! :) Gotta make sure I can keep up with all these guys....settling down in the midst of so many changes and achievements could be a little foolish, after all! Time will tell.

In the meantime, I'm gonna keep stalking the Victoria's Secret website, and adding swimsuits to my shopping cart in preperation for my Sports Illustrated cover! A woman's work is never done!

I'm thinking that this could be it, seeing as it's my color and all. ;)

The Liya Push Up Halter Top suit from the "Beach Sexy" line at VictoriasSecret.com. I'll take HECK YES for $500, Alex!

Love and Lipgloss!
XOXOXO <3

Oh Surgery....How Thou Stresseth Me Out...

Whew.

Decided I wanted Weight Loss Surgery(WLS).
Went for my consulation with the surgeon, Dr. Mark Takata (or Mark Ta-HOT-a.) on March 8th.
Had everything else by April 10th...psych eval, nutrition consult, etc. And on May 17th, I learned that my surgery was APPROVED by insurance. (I only had to call and pretend to be my surgeon's scheduler, Nicole, like 4 times!).

Seriously, I complain about all the shenanigans, but then I have to remember that most people have to wait more than a YEAR to complete all pre-op appointments and weight loss programs to get approved. With persistence, determination, and perpetually pestering people (say that five times fast!), I have ARRIVED. June 24th is the big day.

You think I'm too vain for my own good now? Those car and storefront windows won't have a CHANCE when this is over! ;)

Since it's been awhile since I've blogged, let's recap the most recent and significant events that have taken place, shall we?

1] My "sister" and one of my best friends, Chelsea Quinn left for bootcamp on May 23rd. While I miss her terribly, I am so ridiculously proud of her and the steps she is taking to improve her life. She is a resilient and determined woman, and I am so grateful to have a person like that in my life. It's so refreshing, after some of the dead weight I've carried around(no surgery pun intended ;))

2] I joined plentyoffish.com, and I've got MAD hoes on that site. I'm not gonna front. My being on that site is beyond useless, because I will never meet any of them in person. I do it for the attention. It's a huge ego boost to post a pik on there, say whatever you want, and then see your inbox flood. And they all start by telling me I have a gorgeous smile, and ask why on earth I think I need to lose weight. Lol. Can you say Ego Boost?! It makes me even more determined to drop all these lame guys and start fresh post-op. Anyone who didn't make their move before better not try to snatch me up after, mark my words!

3] In the midst of planning for life altering surgery, I was faced with the need to plan a move. My landlord/roomie is combining households with family members, so I needed a new place by July 1st that was adjacent to work, since I'm sans vehicle at the moment, and that was affordable. Enter Alex Ard [aka, the BFFF] and her boyfriends AMAZING family. Her boyfriends cousin [hellllloooo Jerry Springer status] was looking for a roommate, and seeing as I know their family somewhat, they agreed to let me rent a room with my OWN bathroom for what I am paying now. And guess what? It's only 2.3 miles from the office! You know what that means? It means See Sondra Sprint to work! So convenient, so perfect, so grateful that opportunity made it's way into my life! How can you NOT have faith when things like that happen? I was panicked over finding a place, and had 65 year old ladies on disability who grew their own weed responding to my ad! Then, go on a lovely weekend trip to Santa Barbara, and BAM! Done deal. God is GOOD!

4] I am terrified about this surgery. No lie, as much as I am excited about being healthy, and being in Sports Illustrated someday [go ahead and laugh, don't be jealous when I steal Kim Kardashian's man!], all this talk they do right before about catheters, site tubes, anesthesia, injections, protein shakes, and blood clots, and 6 week liquid diets makes me beyond NERVOUS. So much to learn, so much to remember, and the part that scares me most is the fact that I have 23 years of habits to break. Mindless snacking, drinking with meals, eating when I'm NOT hungry just because it's there....I'm definitely not worried that I won't be able to do it. I guess I just worry that it's not one of those things I will be able to do perfectly right away. I hate that. But, alternately, I LOVE the new vanity lights in my new huge and amazing bathroom....as well as the mirrored doors on my new huge and amazing closet that takes up a whole wall of my bedroom. And if that isn't motivational, then I don't know what is, dang it!

5] I am absolutely addicted to reading the blog by Shelly Vicarri, entitled The World According to Eggface. She had gastric bypass surgery 5 years ago, and looks RIDICULOUSLY GREAT! She is a whole new person, with a new attitude towards not only food, but life. She gave me hope for life after surgery. She tailors recipes to be everything a post-op needs, without sacrificing flavor and enjoyment. And let's face it, this Black and Italian girl needs FLAVOR! She is absolutely wonderful, and I can't help but wish she was my neighbor. If she lived in San Marcos with me, I'd beg her to do start a support group for North County. I've been taking notes from everything she posts, and making sure that when I get to eat solids again, I follow her lead. She needs to publish a cookbook like, YESTERDAY.

Check her out here!


Even if you're a size two, you'll be addicted to tons of her recipes, and wish you NEEDED to drink protein shakes! Now, if only I could find the Max Protein that she uses....AHHHH!

5] Let's talk about StupidHead for a minute, shall we? StupidHead would be the guy that is a best friend to me. Honestly, he is a boyfriend. He is a boyfriend that doesn't know how to ask me if he can be my boyfriend. Let's be real....even kindergarteners know how to write those cute little "Will you be my Girlfriend" notes! But me, I get the scaredy cats and crazies and looooosers! Crazy. I love this guy. Am I in love with him, no. Mainly because I find it hard to fall very hard for someone who won't even tell you they want to be with you. He calls me EVERY single night, texts me EVERY single morning, drives up to see me, has been supportive through all this surgery business, and just recently started an argument with me because I was talking about one of the guys on plentyoffish (and then calls back to apologize and tell me he just is really jealous when I talk about other guys. WTH?) but he doesn't see me as girlfriend material, clearly.

Which is ok, right? Because any man of mine better know how to ask for what he wants! A closed mouth don't get fed! [Unless he wants a protein shake......]

I think that is about it. After surgery, I'll be making this mainly a weight loss blog. That will be my life, so that will be what I have to babble about! I want to thank all my loving friends for all of their support on this journey. Your prayers, and words of encouragement mean the world to mean, even though some of you may not agree with what I am trying to do.

I love you all so much! Don't forget to check out Eggface! I'm not playing! It's amazing!


<3

Battle of the Bulge...2011 Style!

Alas, here we are.

Yet again, I am coming to you with visions of Sports Illustrated full page spreads and centerfolds, bikinis, spray tans, and fabulosity in its thinnest form!

Nope. Not taking before and after photos, or promising to post progress reports like last time. You know why? Because I cried every time I realized that no matter WHAT I did, I am accountable to my readers for showing progress that isn't being made. And it's not that I don't try...because I DO. But, you see, according to my new favorite primary care physician, Dr. Hubbard? Some people are juts BIG. Point blank, period, the end.

Now see, me? I don't buy all that. Sure, I've never been SMALL. And it seems no matter what I do, be it medically supervised diet drugs, Zumba [like my life DEPENDS on those dang salsa steps. I have dance battles with my teacher, and of course as a result? She LOVES me.], gym memberships, or even indulging in my favorite spray tans just to create the ILLUSION of weight loss...I get nowhere.

So, after a couple of years of research and hesitation? It's Bariatric Surgery time.

I originally thought I'd go with the Lap Band, but given the sheer petrification I experience even LOOKING at needles (I almost passed out getting my round 2 Gardasil shot today, and yet, I walk around pretending to have a GUN in my Betsey Johnson Bag!), it doesn't seem like quite the fit for me. My surgeon feels my commitment level is right on track for a band, and that's saying a lot, because the band is an assistive device...it does NOT guarantee weight loss without ample effort. Yet, Dr. Takata feels that a Sleeve Gastrectomy, although a new and upcoming procedure by comparison, will be much more beneficial for me. Less post-operative care, and more post-operative results! Basically, a sleeve procedure is Dr. Too-HOT-a....I mean, Takata, cutting out a large portion of my stomach and stapling off the remainder, leaving me with a stomach relatively the size of a banana.

So, in theory, I can eat a banana, and be FULL literally. I am allergic to bananas...but you see my point! The risks are definitely still there...but I guess that's to be expected no matter what. After all, this is an operation that is going to CHANGE. MY. LIFE.

Change is good. And I am going to be GREAT with all of the extra opportunities afforded to me by a thinner life. My Dad, who has been complaining about how he doesn't understand why I'm so big my whole life, acts like this is the worst idea ever. It's hard for me to NOT go off on him...seeing as I BEGGED to go to Fat Camp for years, and homeboy did NOT hook it up. The Boy thinks I'm being TOO drastic, and keeps saying "I think you look great just the way you are...why would you wanna change?" and yet, he is a personal trainer! With the body of a GOD [hence, why I can't quite seem to hold the ignorant comments(along with my body) against him].

The crazy thing is...I'm not UNHAPPY being "fat." I try to tell myself I am, but really, my biggest problems with it boil down to vanity.I was Prom Princess, had tons of friends in high school and dealt with minimal teasing. I don't have any obesity related diseases, nor have I ever been ridiculously limited physically. I played basketball, I cheered, I did Colorguard, and for crying out loud, I climbed a 45 degree mountainside in tennis shoes last month! In the freezing cold! Lol.

But the fact of the matter is that someday, when I'm a mother (Lord willing?) and wife and I'm too exhausted from carrying around all this weight to play tag with my kids, or take my dog for a run, or go do some fun exciting rock climbing date with my husband? It'd ruin me. So I'm looking at this as a preventative measure. I am 23 years old. This is the time for drastic measures, because I am still at a point where I can bounce back and actually ENJOY it.

After all, how many of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition cover chicks are over 30? HA!

I WILL get my centerfold.

And I'll send each and every one of you a signed copy. Hide it from your men. Just saying!

<3

Ahhh.....Spring!

So, Spring is almost here!

Being that I am a Spring Baby, I can't deny my love for the season.

However....I am NOT a fan of Spring Cleaning. Until now, maybe!

BzzAgent has made me a very happy girl once AGAIN with the new SC Johnson Spring Cleaning Campaign.

With products from Glade, Pledge, and Scrubbing Bubbles, I am on my way to actually being EXCITED to tackle my bedroom and bathroom woes!

I actually have used the Glade scented oil candles, and love the way the scent spreads through the room. I am excited to try one of the three Spring scents in the collection. There's "Sparkle of Spring," "Jump for Joy," and "Bring on the Blossoms." Should be awesome! On top of that, I have a desk and dresser that Pledge could do wonders for...and Scrubbing Bubbles? As if the commercials weren't enough, the stuff leaves a toilet spotless.

Glade 4 oz candles became a favorite of mine over the holiday season...amazing holiday scents, and they burn up to 22 hours! That's up there with some of the top brands, but waaaaaaay less expensive!



This? This is going to be FUN!

If you're not an Agent yet, maybe this will make you wanna join. Cosmetics, Smartphones, Burt's Bee's, and now cleaning stuff? Yeah. you know you wanna!

BzzAgent.com

What the heck are you WAITING for?

Not a Girl...But I May FINALLY Be A Woman.

First, let me just say, I will ALWAYS love that dang song. Britney Spears, your tragically messy life is a cry for help, but the Baby One More Time album, and "Crossroads" shaped my life. Lol.

Secondly, I am dead serious about the whole Finally Being a Woman thing, as well.

It seems like life is all about self realization and revelations of the heart. You make a mistake, you learn a lesson. You miss an opportunity, but create several for others. It's a crazy ride, and for every thing you seem to come out of better, you deserve to be grateful...and you deserve to be proud.

I was talking to my older cousin Kirsten earlier today about relationships. She made a comment about how I never claim any of the guys I talk about. I explained to her that I am pretty much NEVER in a relationship, so claiming them would be a lie. I went on to explain that the guy I brought up is truly just my friend. I pointed out that although I originally felt something more for him, ultimately, he is Friend Zone material. He doesn't have the capacity or guts, or balls, or courage or strength to tell me he cares about me as more. So basically, I figure he must not. After all, as I always tell anyone, when a guy REALLY wants something...he goes after it. It would be JUST my luck to get the one guy who is literally not going to. But, alas, I think this is just one of those "It is what it is" things. And I don't mind.

Point is, I don't take the initiative to do all that legwork for a man anymore. You know, back in the day, I was obsessed to the point of obnoxiousness with someone. And the interesting thing is, when I FINALLY snapped out of it....I realized I had kinda remixed him and made him into someone he pretty much never was...and most likely never will be. Best part is, I believe he and someone that is supposed to be one of my closest friends are lowkey shacking up. Not that I have time to warn her. I learned the hard way, and she watched the whole thing. Her bad!! Lol.

Anyways. When I really looked at it (without the rose-colored glasses), I realized that by mis-reading and mis-translating everything he said, I made myself believe maybe there was hope for this thing I wanted so badly to come to fruition. Maybe he was just being a wild man in his teens and twenties and gettin it it where and whenever he could! Maybe he was just scared to love me, because he didn't wanna be different from all his single friends. Maybe he was waiting for me to change. Maybe I needed to change to be what he wanted, and what he needed.

But guess what? I was being absolutely RETARDED. For years, in fact. Hot mess. To the point where he knew what he could do and say to keep me hanging on, without making any promises that maybe I was just a little bit closer to having him and making him all mine.

Now, being completely honest with myself, I have to admit that no matter WHAT he did, I am the one who is responsible for the mess it caused. We probably still could have been friends, but I let the frustration and rejection kill a piece of me. The piece that had become a believer in something that seemed so real. It's hard to accept that you created someone so desirable, rather than them actually existing.

So now, I go on about my life always thinking every guy is a little bit of a joke, until he proves otherwise. Trouble with that, is that between the amazing ones with girlfriends, and the coworkers who try to get in my pants before they go home to their girlfriends they LIVE with...it's hard not to hold a bit of a grudge. But I've become unreasonably realistic since then. I evaluate what men do, and say, and their approach. If he grabs my ass before he even knows my name, you can believe I'll act a fool. If he asks my name and buys me a drink, I'll probably be mad he didn't grab my ass.

It's all kinda...well, all over the place. Lol.

But guess what? I've grown into someone who won't be so enamored with a figment of her imagination that it ruins her. And let's face it...that's way better than being the girl that has her head so far up her ass that no one wants to grab it, regardless.

<3

Pink Lips....the In for Spring! :)

Yes. Pink lips. Whether fischia, watermelon, peony, or pale pink be your vice, I have got you covered! CoverGirl has continuously provided us trendy, yet financially challenged fashionistas rock the most relevant trends with amazing, quality lip color at a fab price!

The new CoverGirl Lip Perfection will actually IMPROVE the health and softness of your lips in 7 days! So not only are you the trendy, fearless girl with the pink pout, but you're the girl that has healthy, supple, and gorgeous lips even when the color is gone! Where I'm from, we call that a Win-Win situation. :)

On another note...some of you may wonder how to find the pink that is perfect for you. Obviously, a nude pink on me is a no bueno, unless maybe we are talking my signature "Nymphette" from MAC Lipglass. But for my fair-skinned friends? Rock it! A nude pink is straight off the runway all the time...it's classic! And for my brunettes with a little Katy Perry in their blood? Rock a fierce fuschia, and relive a teenage dream! :) For the mixed girls in the building, a mauve or slightly purple pink or even a bright and bold watermelon really will set off your skin tone, and brighten up everything and everyone around you! For my blacker the berry girls, berry is the key! Keep the purple undertones, and make it work for you!!


Also, when pink comes into play...there are two ends of the makeup spectrum. You can make the pink lips the main focus for a day at the office, but if you're hitting the town, don't be afraid to play up the pink pucker-up with an equally bright and vivacious eyeliner and subtly sparkly blush. It's about being young, gorgeous, and worth the spotlight!

You know you wanna!

Love and Lipgloss!

<3

Valentine's Day...whatev!

So, it's almost here again.

Another year went by, and I somehow managed to alienate myself yet again from all the lovely hustle and bustle that is a RELATIONSHIP. Some say I'm crazy, but I think I'm merely talented. Lol.

Alas, I am not bitter. Actually, I kinda love V day. I love love. I love hearts. I love red and pink and white. I love candy. I love people giving me candy and cute lil cards. So it's not such a bad deal!

This Valentines Day? I got another sweet deal up my sleeve! CoverGirl has teamed up with Facebook to help us send adorable candy heart messages to friends! And as if that wasn't cute enough? 1,000 lucky girls will score a free Lip Perfection lipstick....one of the HOTTEST, and newest products from the CG family.

But don't bother reading more of this...you have hearts to send!



Have a FABULOUS Valentine's Day, and spread the LOVE!

XoXo

Smartphone. Free. Yes, I DID That!

BzzAgent Business, once again.

These people, I swear! They just keep giving me COOLEST free stuff, and let me go crazy telling the world about it!

One of the most recent campaigns I joined was the Windows powered HTC HD7 phone. With the largest screen on the market, it's seriously a great phone for a phone junkie like me. It's got netflix, a super amazing 5mp camera, and a video camera that may as well be a hand held camcorder. The Windows 7 operating system is beyond user friendly, and there is a Zune player built in. I'm in HEAVEN!

More dish on the phone that makes me wanna sing? (No, really. I make those videos you see of me singing on it!) Check it out at: http://www.htc.com/us/products/hd7-tmobile

And if you wanna be a part of the BzzAgent team, and get free products of your own, just for telling people about them? Knock yourself out!



Don't say I never did anything for you! :)

Love and Lipgloss!

Sondra Jo

Sweet Escapes.....for LESS!

Ever feel like just getting away?

You just want to get out of town for awhile. Maybe you wanna be alone, or maybe you wanna be with the girls, or the one you love. Either way, I have found a little-known travelers paradise that may interest you!

SniqueAway.com is an EXCLUSIVE, invite-only hotel site that offers only 4 and 5 star hotels at rock bottom prices. Truth is, for most people my age, it's still too expensive...but isn't everything??

The interesting thing about sneak away (aside from lavish accomodations that allow you to vacay like the stars without making the money they do!) is that it's free to join....but you HAVE to be invited.

Never fear! I got your back!

http://www.sniqueaway.com/invite/SondraHo

There's that. Click, and go crazy! You can at least dream about all the wonderful places we can go after I win the lottery. Or after YOU do, for that matter! You can opt in for weekly emails, daily alerts, or even alerts that let you know when spots you've got your eye on are dropping prices and helping you make that one romantic, luxurious night possible. You know you wanna!

Love and Lipgloss!

Sondra Jo

You Know I'm ALL About the Trends!

So.

If you didn't know, I am part of a Word-of-Mouth marketing company panel that allows me to get new, exclusive products from well-known and top-of-the-line brands and services that most of us are all aware of as it is. All I have to do for this? Tell the world about it!

The newest campaign I've joined is the Cosmopolitan magazine campaign. I can subscribe to get Cosmo for $5 a month, and get Marie Claire every month for just $5 more!

Let's recap.

$10= 12 months of two of the best mags ever in my mailbox! LOVE it! The other thing is, if you "like" Cosmo on Facebook, you can upload a pik, and they have the cutest virtual journey to becoming the next "Fun, Fearless Female." It's a pretty great idea, and lots of fun if you have some free time! Plus! There are tons of daily freebies after you're a fan of the page. And let's face it, Cosmo freebies are up there with the best of them!

So, to uphold my BzzAgent promise, I am sharing the Cosmo love with ya'll!



Check it out, and hopefully you love it as much as I do!

So....There is this Guy, Right?

Lol.

It's always so funny to me when girls start with that. It's like, the ultimate trigger for your mind to secretly think "Oh, Lord. She is one of THEM. She is about to present a situation with an obvious solution here, and it's all because of a guy. Shit."

Well, sorry in advance. Because I know this is one of those situations. And what's worse? I know the solution, too! But, unfortunately, I am just a lil too demure for my own good in matters of lust and love. And I mean, considering this is ME we are talking about? I gotta be demure in SOME area, right???

See, this guy....he is one in a million. It's like having a boyfriend! Well, minus the sex, dates, presents, and all that other crap. He calls everyday just to see what you're doing. He is concerned about how you feel, what you are up to, etc. He knows when something is off, and says "I know you're lying. You are NOT ok. I know you too well." He says "I love that I can say whatever I want to you, and you just shoot something back at me."

Problem is, all the things he does NOT say. He doesn't tell you he is interested in words. His actions say a lot, but they aren't what you need and want to HEAR. They are just nagging proof that what you want is out of your reach. That it's not enough for him, and he feels no nagging urge to claim you right then and there, for fear that eventually someone else will be on the other line the next time he calls.

He slowly became one of the closest friends you have, and you confide in him...but it's not enough of an attraction and longing to make you do what it takes to excuse the fact that he has NO huevos, and won't let you know what's up.

So....there is this guy, right? And I can't even like him, because "Assertive" is one of my top five "non-negotiables" in a boyfriend type.

Oh wait....he's calling! Ttyl! [kidding. kinda.] lol.

Love you all!

,,,,Wait Til I'm in Sports Illustrated!!!

So. I have been working my butt off. Literally, almost. I'm really tryna keep the butt and just make it sit a lil higher and make it a lil firmer, because I worked hard to actually have cakes, so I don't really want to LOSE them, you know? But it's like, I don't wanna not work out my butt, because it's gotta get some exercise too....but, this is not all about my butt!

Basically, it's about how GREAT I feel! I have been hitting the gym, eating out RARELY [and when I do, I try to make health conscious decisions. I haven't been to McDonalds or Jack in the Box in two months!] and cooking at home pretty much every single night. Whole wheat pasta, skinless chicken breast, turkey, whole grains...the works!

It is SO nice to walk into work and hear people who have only known me a couple months telling me how great I am looking. It's even nicer to walk into a gym and shock all the skinny people when I pedal to the metal on the bike and run like the wind on the eliptical!! I feel AMAZING. And I feel healthier.

I couldn't feel my legs all weekend after going on a "walk" with Andrea last thursday. "Walk" in her language means running every other block and climbing hils comparable to the streets of San Francisco. And you know what? It was tough, but I DID it! I made it to every landmark she set for me, and I climbed the heck outta those hills! Red-faced, barely breathing, and wheezing like the fat asthma kid that I am!! Try climbing in and out of a Chevy tahoe all weekend after a workout like that, and see how you feel. I finally got the full use of my legs back on SUNDAY! And Monday? BACK ON THE HILLS AGAIN!!

Why, you may ask? Well....like I said. I have goals to achieve. Personally, I see myself losing that 30 lbs before the end of October. Moving forward from there, I plan to have lost 130 lbs altogether by this time next year. I am already down 29 lbs. So I basically have 100 to go, and then? I'll be on the cover of Sports Illustrated on the beach in the bikini with the wet and sexy curls and my arms [NOT JIGGLING] all propped behind my head like I just wake up looking all Victoria's Secret-like. That's the vision. Lol.

Funny thing is, when you start working out...people act crazy. Dudes you haven't spoken to just swarm out of the woodwork. Can't keep up with your texts anymore at work, and you are constantly trying to decide who you will and won't answer the phone for. You gotta make pros and cons lists to decide who to spend your nights or weekends with. People from the old neighborhood hit you up asking when you're coming home to visit. It's shenanigans, I tell you!!

I was at work today, and my coworker who actually THREW his number on my desk and asked me on a date to a brewery asked me how it is that I come to work every day with NO makeup and still look "so bomb." and I simply replied "HA! You're crazy! You think this is good? Wait til I'm in Sports Illustrated!" and of course, true to the way my life goes, EVERYONE in the office heard me. But no one doubted me! :)

Because I'm gonna do it. Or at least, they're gonna ask me to.

Anyways! Just felt like sharing...because I really appreciate how motivating all of you have been, and I hope that some of you are motivated by me and my efforts...because ya'll know I am not necessarily unhappy being big. But if I can do it, anyone can! Seriously! I kill myself doing those 5 miles on that bike...and hitting the eliptical and the San Francisco hills! You're talking about a girl who used to just walk around the North End of San Bernardino with a baseball bat and an ipod...and now I BIKE 5 miles!!!

I love you all. Hope you make it to the bbq, and hope you all are acheiving your goals and making your dreams come true!!
<3

7 Pounds...

....I'm not Will Smith or Rosario Dawson, nor am I the star of a somewhat recent blockbuster hit. BUT...I do, in fact, know a thing or two about recently losing 7 more pounds. Grand total? 29 pounds since February.

I would be a total and terrible liar if I said I am not ridiculously proud of myself. But I can't help but be a little perturbed by the fact that I cannot SEE the difference as I imagined a 29 pound loss. Now, I look at myself everyday. And it's no secret that I have some severely narcissistic tendencies. So I look at myself not just daily, but like, 40,000 times a day! Seriously, I walk past any reflective surface, and check myself out. So vain, I swear!

Gratefully, people I haven't seen in awhile or people who comment on my photos are constantly encouraging me and telling me the differences that they see. That is serious sustenance, because without that, I probably would have accepted hitting a plateau, stayed out of the gym, and been steady chilling eating some potato chips and a cup of noodles for dinner! I've been cooking healthy meals almost every night, ignoring the donuts, bagels and pizza that my job provides on a weekly basis. I joined a very cute new gym where I can tan and workout [I mean, work out and THEN tan!]. I do at LEAST 5 miles every time I am there. I got over my fear and loathing for exercise bikes and started putting the pedal to the metal. I go to the personal training sessions they offer, and deal with things like my trainer saying "Oh, you're pretty quick for a big one aren't ya?!?!" Sigh. Yes sir! I sure am! And you should see me on that eliptical in a room full of skinny people. I go faster and faster, and they look more and more worried. LOL! It's pure comedy. And more than anything? It inspires me to JUST. KEEP. GOING.

Such is life. You just have to KEEP GOING. No matter what happens, who is watching, how many times you fall, or how many people think you CAN'T do it. They have another thing coming...because Sondra Jo is the toughest critic she has!!! Nobody is harder on me than myself!

There are so many reasons to do this. But the most important is proving to myself that all hope isn't gone. I can't accept that just because I've always been this way, that I always have to be.

Thanks and serious love to those who have been so amazingly inspirational and constantly, unwaveringly supportive. It means truly everything to me!
<3

The Biggest Skinny Girl!

Mmmk.

I've been on this quest to lose weight for quite some years now. I've upped my activity, and lowered my calorie intake. I've walked, jogged, ran[in the dark, so folks won't see me jiggle], and taken alli, B12 shots, fat blockers, and on and on it goes.

It's time to take some real action. No quick fixes, but an OVERALL lifestyle change. My inspirational friend Sarah used to weigh 317 lbs. She easily weighs less than 150 now, and she is going to help me achieve my weight goals. Tomorrow, I go for our first weigh in, complete with before photos [a la Biggest Loser], measurements, and her dispensing tons of goodies like a journal, charts, nutritional guidelines, activity plans, etc.

For a girl like me, anything that involves office supplies is considered goodies. Hence, why it is not fair that I have to be the fat girl! Lol. I will be joining the local gym that is RIGHT DOWN THE STREET this weekend[$24 gets you membership to all three locations, and unlimited tanning and massage bed priveleges PLUS group training sessions!]. I am going to start constructing dream boards, and put motivational photos and phrases/words all over my mirror/room. I am also going to post my "Before" pictures here on this blog, and we will track my progress. By obligating myself to share my stats with the world [even if no one really reads this, lol], I am challenging myself to make it HAPPEN!

Starting today, I will post weekly with photos, measurements, journal excerpts, healthy recipes, and gym updates. The first entry to follow this one, will be about my goals, and things I want to do once I reach my goal of 30 pounds. The aim is to lose it by September...but I'll be happy to lose it before the end of the year, period. I've already lost 22 pounds this year....let's make it 52, and be in the game!!

This should be quite a journey. And hopefully, it turns out to be a fun one!!

<3

Eff YOU, Mae Lin!

First of all, I would just like to say that getting a bikini wax does not in any way entitle you to prance around in a bikini. I just got my first bikini wax...and let me tell you what....NEVER again. EVER. NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER! The woman has been telling me for months now when I ask that I won't even feel it, and I figured "I mean, it doesn't hurt when they wax my brows! It's the tweezing that makes me wanna shoot myself!" and I went for it. You know that line in Forgetting Sarah Marshall when the newlywed guy is like "NO! God put our mouths on our heads for a REASON!" ? Well, he put hair on our bikini lines for a reason too. And I, for one, plan to NEVER venture to remove it in such a way ever again. Because this trick started with "Wowww, yo leg so smoo! And you don't have lot dimple like most big girl!"

Ok, heiffa. Look here! [WAIT! NOT THERE! BECAUSE THAT'S PRIVATE PROPERTY!] Insults are not welcome in this situation. Not even when you actually mean it as a compliment in your own twisted way. Because you are WAXING my HOO-HA!! I would really much rather we discuss Glee or something random and intriguing like that as you venture into the unknown, here. Hella rude. And ya'll are probably over there dying laughing, but I am so serious when I say that I wanted to die right then. Not even because of the cellulite crack...but because, dang! I don't even have a legit reason to do mess like this! I coulda stuck to what I know, and kicked it with the homegirl Sally Hansen at home for 15 minutes, and it woulda been a wrap .But noooo. I tried to be all 21st century with it. Believe me when I tell you that I have learned my lesson. I'd rather die from eating maggot eggs[ and THAT is a whole other story]. I'm just being real.

Actually, let's tell the maggot story, shall we? I came home from work and TORTURE spa and salon tonight, and Julie said to feel free to eat some of the yummy pot roast that she made. She mentioned there were no sides, and I had some potatoes I've been meaning to use, so I figured I'd make some parmesan mashed potatoes. I was adding the potatoes to the boiling water, when I realized there was something in the garlic salt. I had NOT used the garlic salt....but I was planning to after draining the potatoes, because it was already out from Julie using it for the pot roast when she put it in the crock pot last night. I kept seeing something black in the little clear part of the jar, and I figured it was like, the reflection of the spatula I was stirring with....til I looked closer, stopped moving my arm, and realized it was a FLY. An effing FLY was in the garlic salt. Those familiar with most household spice jars know that it is "protected" by a little plastic cover with some holes in it. Holes, in this case, that were NOT large enough for a fly to get into. WTH?!?!?! I processed this, and then ran to the other room to show Alex, who laughed, before being disgusted and mentioning that hopefully we wouldn't "eat maggot eggs and die." AWWW MAN!!! In case anyone is wondering, the pot roast was delicious. AS were the potatoes. If I die, tell em to check the meat.[That's what she said!] :)

Otherwise? My new job? AMAZING. I got my desk all set up today, and I start working solo tomorrow, as we are officially gonna begin taking appointments for the new Handyman service. We are still in the process of hiring an actual Handyman crew, rather than using the termite guys to do the work, like we are presently. In the meantime, I am working both Termite and Handyman, and Wednesdays are free lunch day, so I'm hella excited. I'm praying it's Panera Day!! WOOOOO!

Friday, I start my new healthy lifestyle. Sarah is going to help me make my weight loss goals a reality, and the plan is to lose 30 lbs before September. I have 22 down, and that'll make 52 lbs before the year is even OVER! Amazing!I am joining the gym[even tho I HATE working out alone], eating more organic food, cutting the majority of processed foods[ except wednesdays, shooooot!], and I'm posting photos, quotes and dream boards all around my room! The downside is, I have to take "Biggest Loser" style piks, in red cheer shorts and a black sports bra. But you better believe I'll be posting them come September. I'd like to take this moment to thank those that have supported and praised me so far, and I hope you'll continue to do so. Jesenia...I am SO happy we are starting together! We will toast with cellulite cream! Lol.


Also, one of the highlights of the month? Attending the wedding of Mrs. Thigpenn! Ya'll made me want to fall in love! I am so happy for you, and I'll continue to pray that nothing but joy and love bless your family and home.

I'll be throwing a housewarming bbq soon. I was going to do July, but it's a really busy month, so it looks like it's gonna be the first weekend of August. I hope ya'll will keep that in mind. The FB invite will be out shortly. I hope you all make it, so you can be a part of the new joy I have in life! I'll be making tons of food, and sangria! :)

Love you all!
<3

VERY single.

It has recently come to my attention that I am 22 years old, and VERY single.

I say VERY single, because I was recently out with some friends, and everyone was talking about their relationships, and then we rekindled the hilarious moments from their past relationships, and then everyone started talking about me and my LACK of relationships. One person gets defensive for me and says "JoJo has ambitions! She is the ideal single girl, like we read books about!" and the other one says "Sondra is VERY single. I think she prefers it that way!"

Now, I laughed this off. Because generally speaking, it has its share of validity. At the same token though, for a split second, I kinda felt dysfunctional.

Why am I single? Why do I never end up in an actual, bonafide relationship? Why am I happier committing my attention to the attention I get from a person, rather than committing myself to making that person be mine? What is my deal? I guess I didn't realize that I am the only one who has no kind of significant other to speak of. I always have a story about a guy, but nobody is surprised when I say that I have some overly detailed reason for why it would just never work out, in the long run.

My diagnosis seems so simple, because it is my life. Pretty much, I feel like I have sooo many things I want to accomplish. I have so many new ideas and opportunities that have been presented to me, and I am working hard to see them through to a successful end. I want the good job, and the cute apartment, and the new car. I guess I just thought the boyfriend part could wait. People have come and gone that changed my mind, and made me want to make that exception...but they were always just a bit too good to be true. I guess I haven't been in an actual, LEGITIMATE relationship (high school doesn't count, right?) since...ever. Such is life. I hold no grudges.

But you gotta see where I am coming from here. I am a babysitter for my father. This guy, who was meant to be the strongest male role model in my life, needs ME to pick HIM up from the police at 1am. Not the other way around. I make friends with guys so easily, because I totally relate to their perspectives on relationships. The one guy I almost actually fell IN love with? He kept me waiting because he knew I would always be there, always taking care of him. Taking care of people is what I DO. It's what I was created for....one of the largest purposes I feel God attached to my life. I look out for all of the people I love, and I feel so strongly for them.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a nurturing person. Has it set me back at times? Yes. Have people taken advantage of me, and taken me for granted? Unfortunately. Call me crazy, but that doesn't stop me from caring. Problem is, where are the guys like me? Where are the guys who want to build something WITH me? The ones who are working so hard on themselves, that they understand why I'm in no hurry. That understand me when I say I just want to be able to have my life, and celebrate my successes at the same time that I celebrate theirs? I don't want to pay a guy's bills, or be his 2nd mother, and keep him shielded from the hard work that is LIFE. And at the same time, I never really did find myself into guys who want to do everything for me. I'm a strong person. That much I know. I don't need anyone, much less a guy barely older or any wiser than myself, to take the Daddy role and try to manage my life.


[Worst of all? A lot of guys come around these days (and I KNOW ya'll know at least one of them!) and they have these silly ideas that it's ok for them to do absolutely NOTHING while some independent female spends her time and hard-earned money to keep him comfortable. Don't get me wrong; it's 2010 and people are losing jobs left and right, and having a hard time finding new ones. So I'm all for helping your man out when he hits a hard spot. Loyalty is everything. And if you know he'd do the same for you? By all means. But these lazy ones? The ones who swear they're gang members, or future rappers, and somehow think they're too good to work at a warehouse or a McDonalds (money is money,honey!)? Who don't have their diploma, GED, or knowledge of what a college is? Who ask you to let them "hold" some money til they "get right?" Naw. I'm sorry. You got enough to handle working on yourself. Yeah, you love him, and you believe in him. So, therefore, you believe him when he says he is going to FINALLY make that resume and hand it out tomorrow....everyday. But me? I've had my fair share of broken promises and disappointments. That cycle never really did work for me...but I was trying so hard to bend the rules to get the guy. Little did I know...once I started worrying about me more than him? I LAUGH when I hear about people paying his way everyday. I no longer want to cry when I hear he still isn't even TRYING, because I know only he can fix it. Where is the AMBITION ladies? All these fools sing along when Drake is talking about "successful," but they aren't living it! I don't understand!?!! Lol. And if another broke negro gets hyped when "I Get Money" comes on, so help me....I'm going to pull out my debit card and slice his throat with it.]

So yes. I am VERY single. Because I am VERY convinced that once my life has come together the way I expect it to...the way I am working SO hard to achieve...that guy will come along, and we can have that spirit in common. We can celebrate the fact that we made it, and console each other from then on whenever we may miss the mark. That's love. That is the love I have with all of my friends and family, and I don't think it's wrong to want the same things from the person I could potentially share my life with.

I'm not the ideal bachleorette, who plays men flirtatiously and would rather be alone. I simply figure being alone now is a small sacrifice to make, knowing that when I have made it to the top...someone will be waiting there, nodding his head in agreement. I'm happy my friends are fortunate enough to have found the guys they were looking for so soon before me, don't get me wrong. This is simply MY preference. I figure if I really, truly wanted a relationship now...I could have it. But I'd rather have my good job, and cute apartment. Then? He can come over, and I can make dinner, and kick him out if I don't like him! :)

But, alas, I am 22. And VERY single. And every day that goes by with a new goal made or reached, I find myself being VERY happy, regardless.

Love you all!
<3

Sondra Meets mark.

.....and they live happily ever after!

Lol. No, but really tho? I began selling mark. cosmetics recently [stay tuned for the seperate blog I plan to start for my endeavor. You know I'm the P. Diddy of the Recessionistas.] and I LOVE the product. It was such an easy start-up, and it's a perfect fit for me. Because it focuses on cosmetics, skincare, and apparel/accessories, it makes all of those magazine subscriptions and retail/makeup artist/skincare consultant jobs TOTALLY worth it. Haha! Who knew?

I am hosting my first mark. party on March 20th, and I have all kinds of fab ideas to keep the ladies laughing, and lipglossing! Cupcake bar, citrus sangria, mini facials and makeovers...it's gonna be an event to remember...and hopefully? A MONEYMAKER!

I'm starting small, showcasing samples of top products, and showing the girls how I perfected the five minute face...even if I'm using 3 eyeshadows, a blush, mascara, lipstick, and the occasional tinted moisturizer. It should really be informative, and help them see that being fab and flirty this spring is just a few tips and tricks away from their fingertips!

I'll keep you posted on the outcome...I know these girls better show up. If they don't, they'll miss out on some ridiculously amazing swag bags and raffle prizes!

I created a new concept with the newest limited edition spring shades, inspired by the new Citrus Bloom fragrance. I call it "Spring Fling"...peep the piks!

How did I do it, you may ask?

iMark eyeshadows [$5 each!]: stellar[yellow-gold, line inner corners and lashlines about 1/3 in], Lotus[lavender, line remaining lids and wing slightly out on outer corners], LuvStruck [pink, in crease, blended slightly into browbone.]
Make It Big Mascara[$7!!] in Raven[2 coats does the trick!]
Good Glowing Custom Pick Powder Blush[$7!!!!] in Cameo Glow [smile, and apply a light dusting to just the apples of your cheeks. Its peachy with just a hint of shimmer to make you look fab..not, tacky!]
Dew Drenched Moisturlicious LipColor[$6!!] in Watermelon
Face? I just used a light coat of Get a Tint tinted moisturizer with SPF 15 in my shade, which is Almond.

Love and Lipgloss!
Sondra Jo

I have come to the conclusion that I am ready to be a bit fearless and make some things happen.

I am always so afraid to go for a lot of things, because I am afraid to fail. Throughout my life, it seems that every time I am about to reach the top...something comes around that brings my happiness, stability, and success to a screeching halt. Then? It takes me forever to get the nerve back up to try once again. Sometimes, I just wish I had more control over everything.

Then I realize something:
EVERYONE wants to have more control. Nobody wants to see everything they worked so hard for, that they want SO badly, come crashing down around them. Nobody promised that getting somewhere in life would be easy. So who am I to think I've got it like that? I need to just get back up, keep smiling, and MAKE IT HAPPEN. That, essentially, is the solution. Failure is ultimately a part of success. When I think of it that way, it makes it easier to accept rejection. From people, from job opportunities, from schools....it's all just a part of the process. By keeping your faith in the Lord, and trusting that he will make a way for you, you will keep going until it finally happens.

Because it will happen.

So, on that note...I went to an interview for a job I wasn't sure I wanted. I started my own makeup business. I dropped out of school for the semester because I know I won't get better than C's if I stay[you kinda need books for online classes, and I had NO book money. Lol]. I started working out harder, and eating better, and taking bigger steps toward reaching my weight loss goals. I even put myself on a list to be considered for an actual weight loss procedure clinical trial. I texted a guy who was interested in me FIRST. I started paying better compliments to guys, instead of just staring back at them when I catch them looking at me. I decided that sometimes? You have to let "friends" go, even if it makes you look weak or bitter. I booked a flight to DC to see my cousin, so that I could escape my Cali comfort zone, and make better connections with my family. I picked my dad up from the police, so he would know that even though he hurts me, I'll never leave him.

I'm not saying there have been any drastic improvements since all this. But guess what? My heart? It's so full of joy. I don't find myself hanging around people that I don't trust. I don't cry when I think about how much they hurt me, just by pretending they care about me more than their actions tell me they do. I don't back down. I want things done the right way, and if that means sometimes I cannot just sit back and deal with it in silence...SO BE IT.

It's about time I felt this way. I am content with the fact that no matter what, I am able to survive. I am looking for better jobs, so I can make better money, and have a better living situation. I am so focused on stability and independence....but sometimes, I am just so scared that I will fail.

But now, I don't mind so much. I never said I wanted EVERYTHING in the world. I just want EVERYTHING to be pleasant. Even if the exact circumstances are in God's hands rather than mine, I appreciate the fact that I have a say-so in some areas. I can't control who hires me, who loves me, who makes my heart beat so wildly that I think I'll lose it.

But I can control the way that I adapt to, adjust, and accept these things. And that is exactly what I plan to do!

Have a fun, blessed, and adventurous weekend people.
Maybe I'll see you in Vegas! I'm on my way in a few hours, wearing the "Luck is On My Side" necklace that my sister bought me for Christmas! Keno anyone? Lol.

<3

So, it's definitely been awhile since I have blogged. Quite honestly, I have been so caught up in the craziness that is my life, that I have been doing anything possible to distract me from it. Therefore, I can't blog about it, because then, I have to re-live and analyze it. Yeeks!

Basically, I went from the girl who was finally on track somewhat...got a free car, finally insured it and got it on the road, had a guy that I found myself missing after awhile [which has NOT happened in a VERY long time], had a place to stay free of charge, had an idea of what I wanted to do, and when I wanted it done.

Now...the car has to be smogged by the 13th of December and my father STILL hasn't helped me fix it, the guy went back to his ex girlfriend, and decided to tell me a WEEK later[ the day after he came and surprised me at home and kissed me, no less. smh.], and my mom is moving to Connecticut in 2 days and I have to find someplace to go in the meantime. I have until the 30th [aka, pray for me. lol.].

The funny thing is, none of this bothers me as much as it might have a year ago. I feel so at peace in my life lately that I sit and laugh at all of these things, and I suppose I am just grateful that it's not worse! I've seen worse. I've been there. This is a minor bump in the road. Is it gonna take more work that I was anticipating? Yes. Am I thrilled about it? Of course not. Is it stressful? Sure. But, it could be worse.

Let's start with the juice: The Boy. Haha. So funny. I have always referred to him as "The Boy," because there didn't seem to be any appropriate term for whatever he was in my life. He certainly wasn't my boyfriend, although the thought may have crossed my mind. He was a time-filler. A trial run, of some sort. It was funny, because I told myself to give him a shot, and try to let go of some of the resentment I harbor from past let-downs in the relationship department. I've had boyfriends, but looking back....more importantly, looking FORWARD...they don't seem to measure to anything significant. They don't really count, to be serious. At least, not to me. So this one...I had no problem easing into it...and everything was quite nice. I didn't have to see him everyday. He wasn't a complete jerk who used me for things. I didn't have to put music on his ipod, lend him 10 dollars, answer his every ebay question, etc. Lol. He genuinely liked me. I know this, because HE pursued ME. I didn't really think we'd be more than friends. But that's what I get for thinking, huh? Anyways...I started seeing him less recently, what with me having three jobs, and him working 60 hr weeks. He came by last Thursday to surprise me after not physically seeing his face in a week, and kissed me and told me he missed me, blah blah blah. He also asked me yet again, why I never hit him up first. If he doesn't talk to me, I won't talk to him. He's right. It's an old habit, and a bad one. Upon Jesenia and Candace's lectures, I wrote him the next day, and told him he made me feel like a jerk and that I was gonna make more of an effort to be the initiator of conversation. He says "Aww, it's cool. You're not an asshole. You told me that's how you are from the beginning." [True that. I always offer the disclaimer. Shoot!] And when he said that...my stomach felt funny. See, when he came over a couple weeks ago, he told me he was going to make me more of a priority, because I started seeing him less. I went two weeks without seeing him at one point, in fact. He came over almost every day after that. I bought it. I reply "Well, ok. Lol. but I'm still gonna try. What's on your agenda for the day?"

You know what he says? "Well, I've got my lil man today. Um, I feel its only right and respectful if I tell you this cuz I know its gonna change everything, as it should, even tho I wish it wouldnt. But um, I got back with my ex last week. I think you're a really good girl, and I love our friendship, and I don't want to lose you. I just want to know your thoughts on this?"

OMG. AHHHHHH!! Why do people write "um" in messages?!?! For real!?!? REALLY?!?! Like that makes it any better? Like you really were thinking "um" as you were typing? STFU. Ick. Boo. Ugh. I just looked at it, and locked my phone. I was on my break at Torrid. I called Candace, and told her, and cracked up at her response. I didn't give it much thought til I got home that night. I realized how much of a loser he was for telling me this via myspace. He is 24 years old. Why are you telling me this online? You think you are going to get back with your ex, and come visit me the night before and KISS me like you AIN'T got a girlfriend, and that I'm going to "tell you my thoughts on this?" Wow. Talk about a caveman. It's at this point that I realize I am much different than a year ago. Last year around this time, someone I used to care very violently for highly disrespected me, and I went home and listed him and his best friend on CraigsList under Males4Males....with the Caption "Double Your Pleasure." HAHAHAHA! He still has no idea. And Plan A was to slash his tires...but I felt CL was most appropriate. And the responses made me laugh. But this one? I didn't respond to the message. I know that people who know me will probably think that is very out of character for me. I am not typically the type to let something like that go without an intellectual verbal assassination. But, honestly? I am changing everyday. It takes a lot to spark a fire in me these days. I spose that's the only reason I was disappointed in the first place. I actually dropped the defense a bit, and gave him a shot. But he was no different in the end. Live and learn, and then learn again. and AGAIN. I get it. He wrote again the NEXT day, talking about "So...I guess you're not speaking to me, huh?"

"I had nothing to say...so I didn't respond."
Him: "I'm really sorry."
Me: "You don't owe me an apology."
Him: "I feel like I do. You're a good girl, and I really love the time I spend with you."
Me: "I think I told you before that I don't expect anything from most people...that's how I avoid being disappointed by things like this. It's really fine."
Him: "Well, if you ever need anything, I am always here for you."
Me: "Thanks."

What?!?!? Who was that responding?! Was that really Sondra? Could it be?!?! Yessir. That was me. Mature. Unaffected. Somewhat brief. Shocked, I'm sure. And the killer? Wednesday morning, the fool shows up at my house and walks in the door. I guess I forgot to tell him he lost that privelege when he gained a girlfriend. I was just waking up, standing there in my chonies and a tshirt, fresh out the bed about to go brush my teeth when he opened my door. And I know I gave him a real lovely look, because he says "AW MAN! You look craaazy!" Yeah nigga. I look crazy. I just woke up, and you are NOT supposed to be here. He hugs me, and I give him a "church hug" back. I don't know where the sign is that says "No, really. You've let me down, and I kinda don't like you...but please! Come and take me for granted some more!!" on my body, but I beg anyone who has seen it to remove it when we see each other! I just looked at him really steadily, waiting...and he acted completely nonchalant....like he didn't just tell me he got back with his ex! And me? I went right along with it. Then he tells me I look surprised to see him. talk about a master manipulator!!! And THEN?!?! He asks me if I have a stamp. Lol. A freaking stamp. I thought about it, and realized I had one in my car. So I took the opportunity to get him outside, and gave him the stamp. And then after some more b.s. small talk, he left, telling me he'd be back at 3 and that he was going to see me at karaoke that night. Haven't spoken to or seen him since. Talk about a nigga. JEEZ!!! Don't get me wrong...I don't mind that he didn't show up..but I just hate the idea that he simply did that as his own lil closure so he didn't feel like the A-hole that he is. Because that was a real douchebag, immature thing he did. Point blank.

So now? It's back to the drawing board, and I don't mind, I guess. I just hate that I never have expectations for anyone, much less men. So I end up being this woman that I am...guarded, and sarcastic, and defensive...because nothing is EVER as good as it seems. I know this. I fear this. Plus, with three jobs and two classes with finals on the way...obviously men are low on the list. But I thought I was almost there....then BAM! Messy. Whatev.

Otherwise...the whole potentially homeless, and sick, and sleepy, and unmotivated thing? It's cool. I know the Lord will work it out. See, situations like those with the boy made me realize something. I am often accused of being too nice [amidst accusations that I am too mean, ironically.] and I forgive extremely easily. I let people back in, and give a lot of people the benefit of the doubt. I constantly lend a hand to those who do nothing but use me, or let me down. And you know what? If me, just a normal human being, can manage that? God's abilities are FAR, FAR, MORE AMAZING. Therefore, I will be just fine.

That's all for now. Notice I focus on the scandal...I know what amuses folks, huh? Lol.
Enjoy the rest of the weekend, and I hope everyone has a fabulous Thanksgiving!!!

It's Going Down Like a Denominator....

Ok. So here I sit, in my room on a Friday afternoon, trying to get my life together, or at least devise a plan of attack for how to get my life together before I head to work at Torrid in an hour and fifteen minutes. After a much needed nap, I decided maybe quitting school to join a roller derby won't solve all of my problems. But, I have to say, Drew Barrymore did a FABULOUS job with her directorial debut doing "Whip It." I went to see it with Jesenia this morning, and I love it!! It's a new fave! Especially since I only paid $6.00 to see it. I am doing all matinees from now on...I am worth $11.75...but only when I am not paying for my own ticket.

Speaking of dates. I haven't been on any lately. There is a new guy on the scene, and we keep saying we are going to go see a movie together, but we have yet to make that happen. Why, you ask? Well, he claims I am simply too busy. As usual, I am to blame for all the flaws in a "relationship." Ain't that something? Despite the fact that the guys get better with time, their excuses never do. I find that simply intriguing. The funny thing is, I am always too busy, but he makes sure he takes up all my free evening time. I say Ill be home at 11pm and he's waiting out front at 10:50. You better believe it. What the heck is THAT about?!?!

Strike that. I think it's a bunch of crap. But whose really paying attention? [that is what DRIPPING SARCASM looks like, if you didn't catch on to that.]

I just got done requesting information from The Academy of Art Institute in San Franscisco. I am leaning towards Fashion Marketing or Advertising. I guess I have no choice but to be uprooted. I try to stay in one place....try to make my life stable...but something always comes along and gives me the impression that it is NEVER going to happen. Whatever. Rather than stew over it and upset myself, I am going to keep doing what I have done all of my life: I am going to bloom where I am planted.

I have recently lost some more weight, constructed a rather fabulous essential fall wardrobe, and changed my style a bit. I am excited for life, but wary of what is to come. My mom was offered an interview for a job she really wants in Connecticut. How does this make me feel? I keep asking myself the same question. Where do I want to be? What do I want to do? Am I ready for anything other than California? I really don't know. The worst part is, the only thing holding me back is that I can't stand the thought of being more than an hour away from my aunt, and other mother, and the fam I have out here. Otherwise, I have nothing much left to lose, other than my sanity when the snow comes. So much for straight hair all winter if I go that route.

Do they even know how to press hair in Connecticut? Are there even black people there? Wow. WOW. What am I going to do?!?!?!

Moving on again, lately, I have been evaluating the importance of certain people in my life. I have a lot of friends. I refer to a lot of people as closer than friends...as family, actually. The killer is, they are some TWO FACED ass people!! Seriously, they have the game so messed up! What is it with people thinking that even though you KNOW the things they have done to others, they think you are stupid enough to believe they'd never do those things to you? Do I have "No, really, I love you so much I'm blind to your bullshit." stamped on my forehead? I really hope not, because the last thing I aim to do is falsely advertise my intelligence. I'm on to you. I have been for a long time. But now? Now, it's getting a bit ridiculous. And seeing as I don't deal with you on a daily basis, I don't see why I should bother keeping you around.

I plan to keep taking chances. But only on MYSELF. I am DONE with people who think they can gallivant around asking for favors all the damn time like I have nothing better to do but continue to enable them because they are simply too lazy, selfish, and honestly....STUPID to do anything for themselves. Get it together. I may not be doing all the big things I want to yet, but I know who I am, and where I am going. I know who you are too. The only people you're fooling is yourselves. I sincerely hope you grow out of that soon...we are only getting older. And although I am pretty much through with you, I'd hate to see you ruin your chances of ever having real friends again. Think about it.

Ok. Off to retail hell. Aka Friday night at the big girl store. Maybe today these ladies will have showered before they enter my fitting rooms. Fat and foul do not HAVE to go together, you know.

TGIF!!
Miss Jo